Posted by: Bro. Lawrence D. | August 17, 2008

Being Honest About a Christian Husband’s Marital Tension

Why this post? First some scriptures:

I Corinthians 7:32-34a (NASB) “But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interest are divided.”

Ephesians 5:25 (NASB) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”

As I converse with many brothers around the country, I find the tension of these two verses (and others) to be a common experience of us all when it comes to serving the Lord and pleasing our wives. I find it interesting that in the passages (Matthew 19:27-30; Mark 10:28-30 and Luke 18:28-30) that are ofttimes used to encourage those who make sacrifices for the kingdom of God in the area of familial relations, that only Luke and one early Matthew manuscript mention or include wives. I believe that it is due to the fact that God designed for us to be so knit together in our marriage as one, that such a choice would be unnecessary. But still as we’re transitioning out of the traditions of men and setting forth in our minds to seek the Lord’s face apart from those traditions and men, it has brought about new challenges for some of us as it pertains to our wives. The dramatic change in our thinking that has taken place, has not in every case been equaled by a change in our spouse’s thinking on the same matters.  

Some of us desire to take what little money that we do have and make a sacrificial gift to some worthy cause of the Gospel. However, our wives remember when we were so sure that the sacrificial giving of  “tithes and offerings” or to the “building fund” was just as crucial and are therefore a little leary about our new found passion. They remember the nice dinners, and vacations, and new clothes for the children, that we persuaded them to pass up in order to receive some later blessing for our giving. A blessing, as we defined it, which never came. 

Some of us desire to start home fellowships and invite people in to partake of our new understanding of the function of the body of Christ. However our wives remember what a high standard we set for others in leadership. They also recall the sacrifice we said it took, committment wise, for one to serve/lead God’s flock. They know that they will also be called upon to make that sacrifices, both of our time and attention. And of course our financial resources. And all this without the hope or expectation of any special reward in this life, given that we desire to receive our reward from Christ alone.

I know that for the most part it is usually the Christian wife who is struggling to get equal committment to Christ from her husband, who may or may not be a believer. It is not my intention to paint the wives of the brothers that I talk to, in a bad light. No. Not at all. These are some of the most pleasant women that I’ve ever spoken to. They are kind, well-spoken and from what I gather from their husbands, very gifted women. These women are staunch supporters of their families in general, and of their husbands ministries in particular. But it’s not always easy.

No, my intention is to encourage you, the reader, to pray for every married couple that you know. Or even just a general “every Christian couple” prayer. Make a special effort to be conscience of their needs when you go before the Lord with yours. Pray for unwavering love. Pray for joy. Pray for unity. Pray for strength. Pray for peace. Pray for wholeness. Pray for quality time with one another. Pray for healing of wounds, physical and emotional. Pray for Spiritual giftedness. Pray for fidelity. Pray for communication skills, parenting skills and money management skills. Pray for protection from the evil one. Pray for one another’s children. PRAY FOR GRACE!

I don’t know all of you brothers wives’ names, but I do pray for your families:

Mike and Emily Patrick, Lionel and Charity Woods, Derrick and Angela Hill, Tyris and Alicia Horton, Greg and Allison Requalls (did I spell that right?), Mr. and Mrs. Saiko Woods, Mr. and Mrs. Karsten Miller, Dr. and Mrs. Bob Klenck, Melvin and Peggy Jones, Mr. and Mrs. Leonard Lyles, Mr. and Mrs. Kevin D. Lawson. Just to name a few. If you’re a believing married couple, I’m praying for you!

 (By the way, if you want to be added to the list or you want to supply more names, just go to the prayer request page up top and leave me a note.)

Please pray for Rikisha and I and the children. I desire to conquer the tension between my submission to Christ and my calling to love my wife as Christ love the church. I desire a unified passion for the spread of the Gospel. I desire a unified passion to love our neighbors. I desire a unified passion to teach our children to know the Lord. And I desire the same for you and yours.

God bless you brothers. I love you!



  1. Thank you for your prayers and I am praying for your family as well as many on the list. Much love brother.

  2. Hey brother, I promised you I wouldn’t make you do this alone and I meant it! LOL!!!

  3. Thank you for your prayers brother Lawrence. Praise God for what our wives go through. I’ll be praying for your family as well. All glory to Jesus Christ!!

    Karsten Miller.

  4. Bro. Karsten,

    You know we married brothers have got to stand with one another in prayer. Despite any differences we may have with our wives, God made us to be one!

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