Just a short post.

Nine years ago today, the Gracious Lord blessed me to marry the most wonderful woman I have ever known, my wife Rikisha. Our marriage has been under attack from outside forces since the announcement was made. However, God has been there to make sure that no matter what was coming at us from outside pressures, we never became one another’s enemy. Sure, we’ve had those rough times of meshing two different personalities and backgrounds. We’ve struggled to respect one another’s passions or lack there of, concerning various issues. All and all, God has been there to keep the fire of love burning in our hearts for one another. Barring our deaths or the coming of the Lord (sorry D, I ain’t there yet, LOL) I plan to grow very old with Rikisha. I’m not looking for an exit and neither is she. In fact, the more we both understand about the grace that God has extended us in His Son through the gospel, the more grace we are prepared to extend to one another. Love truly does cover a multitude of faults. And that helps when you have two broken vessels striving to co-exist. But truly….

God is the glue!

The last time I visited this subject my main purpose was to spur you to pray for all of the Christian married couples that you knew and even those that you didn’t. This post is not much different in that it is mostly a plea for the same but for a different reason. The last time we looked at a Christian married couples togetherness in regards to ministry. However, this time I wanted to address something that may have been in back of that tension.

Remember that I referenced this text “but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interest are divided…but one who is married is concerned about the things of this world, how she may please her husband.” (I Corinthians 7:33-34) Remember that I came to the conclusion that many of the brothers across the country with whom I had been conversing were experiencing the tension described here as it pertains to ministry. However, today I’m concerned with natural matters.

Here are the verses:

Matthew 6:19-21 (all scriptures in NASB) “Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Matthew 6:33 - “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Colossians 3:1-3 “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on the earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”

Here’s the situation:

My wife and I desire to purchase a home. For the past four months, we have been searching for the right property at the right price. We have physically entered over one hundred houses in that time. Because of my work schedule I’ve set aside at least two Monday’s a month, specifically, to accomplish this task. We’ve had, as you’ve probably figured out by now, a very unsuccessful journey. We chosen nine houses, put an offer on five, rescinded one offer and have had no offer accepted. We’ve been approved for the down payment assistance offered in our city (up to $60,000). But we’ve been priced out of our city because of the size home we feel we need. We’ve been approved for a loan in advance. We’ve been approved for the State of California’s home buyers’ assistance program. But we can’t get an offer accepted. We’ve been either too late or the offer has been too low, even when we’ve offered asking price. We’ve even over bid on two. One house was even taken off of the market while our bid was on it and placed back up two weeks later at $40,000 more. Then the price on that house was dropped $20,000. And I could go on and on and on with more details of our struggle. But needless to say, my wife and I have experienced disappointment several times. We’ve experienced a cycle of excitement, impatience, frustration, disappointment, melancholy, apathy (mostly me, lol), and then guilt for feeling anyway except optimistic. 

My tension has been in experiencing and dealing with real and raw human emotion, while at the same time maintaining an outward display of gratitude towards God for all of His blessings. Trust me, I am thankful! Specifically concerning the natural rhelm, I have every need met. We have been renting the same house for four years with no rent changes. We are in debt but it’s manageable and every bill we have is current. We have food in the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. Our closets and dressers are full of clothes. We have reliable transportation and a schedule that allows us to only need one car. And all of us are in good health. As you can see, we have no reason to complain. At all!

But here’s my issue. Have I violated the scriptures above? I ask because I have allowed the fact of not being able to secure a home, to affect me emotionally. My wife and I both have let it affect us negatively. For instance:

When my credit score keeps us from getting a better loan rate it only brings to mind the times when I trusted a roommate to pay the bills, which were in my name, and they pocketed the money. Or the time I secured a loan for my parents to buy a home, only to watch my dad get ill, die, and then my mother, who didn’t work, hold on to the house for a full year without being able to make the payments. Or the time I had a car repossessed because I had my insurance company pay a family friend to fix the car after an accident and he pocketed the money without fixing the car. The car ended up being towed by the police, who in turn contacted the finance company, who then repossessed the car because of loan term violations. I failed to “protect the value of the car”. And all the time my credit score went down, down, down. Now imagine how each time my credit score is an issue, I have to wrestle with whether or not I have forgiven all of the people I hold responsible for it. And to be honest, I ask myself why God hasn’t stepped in to make it a non-issue. I don’t ask God why. But it does enter into my mind.

Also, when the income is an issue it brings to mind our decision for my wife to be a stay-at-home mom. At the time, when she was five months pregnant with our second child, we believed it to be the best course of action for us to take. We had no one reliable or near who could responsibly take care of them. We were very nervous about the prospect of daycare. In essence my wife would be working partly to pay daycare.  And we were being taught in our church at the time, that it was the biblical model for a wife to stay at home with the children and for the husband to go out and work to provide for them. (I now see this as a personal matter in each couples conscience that should be worked out between them just in case you were wondering, lol) So now each time the issue of income comes up, again I ask myself why God doesn’t just step in and make it a non-issue. To top it off, the irony is that my wife’s credit is great but I have the income.

So back to the issue. As I look at these verses, I can’t help but wonder if it’s a failure on my part to obey them that is causing my tension. Have I made these houses or the prospect of owning one a treasure? Have I ever put forth this much effort to disciple anyone? (His kingdom) Have I ever put forth this much effort to study the scriptures and pray as a means of fighting all remaining sin in my life? (His Righteousness) All I can say so far is OUCH! Have I set my affections on these houses or on the prospect of owning one? Is it a lack of trust in God’s promises, like Romans 8:28? Do I really believe that ”God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose?  Is it impatience? Or is it simply just a matter of sinful man reacting to not getting his way?

Whatever the tension may be a result of, I desire that you would pray for my wife and I and for any other couple who may be going through similar tension. And we shall endeavor to do the same for you.

Why this post? First some scriptures:

I Corinthians 7:32-34a (NASB) ”But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interest are divided.”

Ephesians 5:25 (NASB) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”

As I converse with many brothers around the country, I find the tension of these two verses (and others) to be a common experience of us all when it comes to serving the Lord and pleasing our wives. I find it interesting that in the passages (Matthew 19:27-30; Mark 10:28-30 and Luke 18:28-30) that are ofttimes used to encourage those who make sacrifices for the kingdom of God in the area of familial relations, that only Luke and one early Matthew manuscript mention or include wives. I believe that it is due to the fact that God designed for us to be so knit together in our marriage as one, that such a choice would be unnecessary. But still as we’re transitioning out of the traditions of men and setting forth in our minds to seek the Lord’s face apart from those traditions and men, it has brought about new challenges for some of us as it pertains to our wives. The dramatic change in our thinking that has taken place, has not in every case been equaled by a change in our spouse’s thinking on the same matters.  

Some of us desire to take what little money that we do have and make a sacrificial gift to some worthy cause of the Gospel. However, our wives remember when we were so sure that the sacrificial giving of  ”tithes and offerings” or to the ”building fund” was just as crucial and are therefore a little leary about our new found passion. They remember the nice dinners, and vacations, and new clothes for the children, that we persuaded them to pass up in order to receive some later blessing for our giving. A blessing, as we defined it, which never came. 

Some of us desire to start home fellowships and invite people in to partake of our new understanding of the function of the body of Christ. However our wives remember what a high standard we set for others in leadership. They also recall the sacrifice we said it took, committment wise, for one to serve/lead God’s flock. They know that they will also be called upon to make that sacrifices, both of our time and attention. And of course our financial resources. And all this without the hope or expectation of any special reward in this life, given that we desire to receive our reward from Christ alone.

I know that for the most part it is usually the Christian wife who is struggling to get equal committment to Christ from her husband, who may or may not be a believer. It is not my intention to paint the wives of the brothers that I talk to, in a bad light. No. Not at all. These are some of the most pleasant women that I’ve ever spoken to. They are kind, well-spoken and from what I gather from their husbands, very gifted women. These women are staunch supporters of their families in general, and of their husbands ministries in particular. But it’s not always easy.

No, my intention is to encourage you, the reader, to pray for every married couple that you know. Or even just a general “every Christian couple” prayer. Make a special effort to be conscience of their needs when you go before the Lord with yours. Pray for unwavering love. Pray for joy. Pray for unity. Pray for strength. Pray for peace. Pray for wholeness. Pray for quality time with one another. Pray for healing of wounds, physical and emotional. Pray for Spiritual giftedness. Pray for fidelity. Pray for communication skills, parenting skills and money management skills. Pray for protection from the evil one. Pray for one another’s children. PRAY FOR GRACE!

I don’t know all of you brothers wives’ names, but I do pray for your families:

Mike and Emily Patrick, Lionel and Charity Woods, Derrick and Angela Hill, Tyris and Alicia Horton, Greg and Allison Requalls (did I spell that right?), Mr. and Mrs. Saiko Woods, Mr. and Mrs. Karsten Miller, Dr. and Mrs. Bob Klenck, Melvin and Peggy Jones, Mr. and Mrs. Leonard Lyles, Mr. and Mrs. Kevin D. Lawson. Just to name a few. If you’re a believing married couple, I’m praying for you!

 (By the way, if you want to be added to the list or you want to supply more names, just go to the prayer request page up top and leave me a note.)

Please pray for Rikisha and I and the children. I desire to conquer the tension between my submission to Christ and my calling to love my wife as Christ love the church. I desire a unified passion for the spread of the Gospel. I desire a unified passion to love our neighbors. I desire a unified passion to teach our children to know the Lord. And I desire the same for you and yours.

God bless you brothers. I love you!